"Hey buddy, how late does the band
play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Why is a drum machine
better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won't steal your
girlfriend.
What's the difference between a drum machine and a
drummer?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine
once.
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to
plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
Hey, did you
hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either
Did
you hear about the drummer who went to college?
Me neither.
How can you
make a drummer slow down?
Put a sheet of music in front of him
How can you
make that drummer stop?
Put notes on it!
Why do guitarists put drumsticks
on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
How do
you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How can you make
a drummer's car more aerodynamic?
Take the Pizza sign off of it.
What's
the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
The pizza can feed a
family of four.
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the
drummer.
How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear
his knuckles dragging on the ground.
I asked my drummer to spell
"Mississippi"...
He said, "The river or the state?"
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Drumset 
