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Drummer Jokes

Drummer Jokes

Yes we know they are out there, and rather than ignore them we thought we'd enjoy the fun.

If as a drummer you find these jokes offensive, try thinking singer or guitar player.

If you still find them offensive then yes, these jokes are about you. :)



Drummer Jokes Page 10

Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar,
I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the
guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on." The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to
them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a threepiece
suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So
they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.


"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks
around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The
salesman asks him "What's your IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball,
cars, and the various women in the bar. "Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one
to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt
and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"

"About 60.",,,,,,,

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Drummer Jokes Page 9
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation
to hear a rumor that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife
and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minutes later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognized his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed
down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player
asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D., DEAD.
Why do you keep calling me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"....
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Drummer Jokes Page 8
St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did you do on
Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny
gates to your left.
"Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher."
"OK, ..through those two gates and to the left
."Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a drummer."
"All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen and..."
 

A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass
cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it
costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and
costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an scientist's
brain for $100?"....

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Drummer Jokes Page 7

STORIES:

 

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3
of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm
terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead.
You're now a drummer".

  Two guys, Chuck and Duane, are on a safari in the jungle. In the distance can be heard native
drumming. Their guide, Bula, says, “Me don’t like sound of drumming, very bad.”
For hours the trio traipse through the jungle with the constant sound of the drums beginning
to get closer. The whole time Bula keeps saying, “Very bad, drumming very bad.”
Finally Chuck and Duane can’t take it any longer and scream in unison, “Why is the drumming
so bad?!” Bula says, “Substitute drummer!”
A couple hours later the drumming suddenly stops. Bula says, “Oh no, bad, very bad when
drums stop.” Chuck and Duane a of course freaked out by this and once again ask in unison,
“Why?”....

 

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Drummer Jokes Page 6

Drummers, lightbulbs and one-liners

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Five; One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart coulda done it.
  • Just one; so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
  • "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
  • Only one; but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
  • Two; one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you
  • have to turn the bulb).
  • Twenty; one to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
  • Only one; he holds it and the world revolves around him.
  • None; they have a machine to do that now.

 

drummer jokesNEXT - Stories....

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